Cheers and Jeers: Monday




Since March 2020 you had one job. ONE JOB. Get folks to remain protected till a vaccine was able to distribute. You failed miserably. 375,000 individuals are lifeless since you couldn’t persuade your military of morons to put on a masks… which is odd contemplating how simply they put on a hood. […]

Margaret and Helen promo graphic
Their battleship is freshly washed and waxed for homeland safety throughout the inauguration.

You misplaced. It occurs each 4 years to somebody. Recover from it. Depart the White Home and take these god-awful youngsters and that sourpuss spouse with you. If doable take Cruz and Hawley too.

Keep out of politics. Return to constructing shitty accommodations or bankrupting casinos. Spend the remainder of your life writing a e book or two that nobody will ever learn. You are actually merely a web page in historical past… a web page most of us will rip out and use as bathroom paper.

So please. Simply depart. If we by no means have one other orange President once more, it is going to be too quickly. I imply it. Actually.

Read the whole glorious piece here. I believe they need to get to learn that at Joe’s inauguration.

And now, our characteristic presentation…

Cheers and Jeers for Monday, January 18, 2021

Word: Essential message for Joe Biden: if, throughout the oath of workplace, Chief Justice Roberts provides “So assist me god…now whisper your ATM PIN quantity in my ear,” don’t do it. It is a lure!  A. Ackbar, C&J Workplace of Skullduggery Detection

By the Numbers:

2 days!!!

Days ’til inauguration day: 2!!!

Trump’s approval ranking in Pew’s ultimate ballot of America‘s first Traitor-in-Chief: 29%

% in the identical ballot who fee Trump’s and Biden’s “conduct for the reason that election” pretty much as good or wonderful: 23%, 64%

Present common approval of U.S. management amongst 60 nations surveyed by Gallup over the last yr of Trump’s presidency: 22%

Yr when an LGBTQ group (PFLAG) was featured in a Presidential Inaugural Parade for the primary time: 2013

First yr that the president’s inauguration (McKinley’s) was filmed: 1897

Yr that Dwight Eisenhower turned the one president to be lassoed (by Monte Montana) throughout an inaugural parade: 1953

D.C. Inauguration Day Forecast

Sunny with 42% humidity and a lightweight, patriotic breeze.

Excessive: 43.  Low: the Republican celebration’s approval ranking.

Pet Pic of the Day: Good canines who’re underneath indictment let their lawyers speak for them…

CHEERS to the altering of the gatekeepers. With management of the Senate wrested away from each the Republican celebration and the violent insurrectionists (pardon the redundancy), Democrats now get to manage all the pieces from the temperature within the cloak room (72F) to the scale of the spit wads that may be thwooped at Josh Hawley’s head (at least 3 inches in diameter). That features the coveted committee chairmanships, which entitle the gavel-wielder immense energy to set agendas, launch investigations, approve payments, and provides the inexperienced mild to presidential nominees. These aren’t in stone but, however here is who will seemingly be getting “Chairman” added to their official identify plaques when Group D takes over this week:

Agriculture/Diet/Forestry—Debbie Stabenow (MI)

Appropriations—Patrick Leahy (VT)

Armed Companies—Jack Reed (RI)

As chair of the Agriculture/Diet/Forestry committee, Senator Stabenow can lastly green-light my mission to plant 1,000,000 sweet corn timber by 2022.

Banking—Sherrod Brown (OH)

Funds—Bernie Sanders (VT)

Vitality/Pure Sources—Joe Manchin (WV)

Finance—Ron Wyden (OR)

Overseas Relations—Bob Menendez (NJ)

Well being & Schooling—Patty Murray (WA)

Homeland Safety—Gary Peters (MI)

Intelligence—Mark Warner (VA)

Judiciary—Dick Durbin (IL)

Guidelines/Administration—Amy Klobuchar (MN)

Veterans’ Affairs—Jon Tester (MT)

First thought: all white and never practically sufficient girls.  Second thought: however at the very least they’re Democrats.  Third thought: When Dick Durbin turns into chairman of the Judiciary Committee, he’ll have the ability to inform Lindsey Graham to take a seat down and shut up. Fourth thought: Dick, you fortunate duck.

JEERS to 1 sorry-ass presidency. It will be equal elements apathy, stupidity, and incompetence that outline the Trump administration’s legacy, and Exhibit A will probably be his dealing with of the coronavirus pandemic. Worldwide there are actually over 95 million circumstances—1 / 4 of them within the U.S.  Listed here are this week’s numbers for the C&J historic report—the ultimate test earlier than Joe Biden grabs the disaster by the reins and lets science and customary sense take over—courtesy of the most depressing tote board in the world, as our loss of life toll now exceeds the inhabitants of America’s Forty seventh-largest metropolis Tulsa, Oklahoma:

6 months in the past: 3.8 million confirmed circumstances. 143,000 deaths.

3 months in the past: 8.3 million confirmed circumstances. 224,000 deaths

WILMINGTON, DELAWARE - DECEMBER 08: U.S. President-elect Joe Biden attends the announcement of the members of his health team, including his pick for secretary of Health and Human Services Xavier Becerra, at the Queen Theater December 08, 2020 in Wilmington, Delaware. With the novel coronavirus pandemic continuing to ravage the country with daily records for infections and deaths, members of Biden's health team said they will make fighting COVID-19 the priority. (Photo by Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images)
Simply ready to point out the nation what actual management appears to be like like.

1 month in the past: 18 million confirmed circumstances. 325,000 deaths

This morning: 25 million confirmed circumstances. 407,000 deaths

And in different information, I learn that the pandemic has singlehandedly lopped 13 months off the average American’s lifespan.  If we’ve got a alternative which of them, I would like my 13 to be Trump’s first month in workplace after which all of 2020. Thx.

JEERS to turning a deaf ear. On this date 60 years in the past, throughout his farewell address in 1961, President Eisenhower warned us all in opposition to the rise of the “military-industrial advanced.”  (Though we’re fast to level out that Ike himself helped contribute to it, so his palms aren’t precisely clear. However, hey, c’mon—he did D-Day.)  Yearly, as his warning seems ever extra prescient, this speech ranks proper up there with Lincoln‘s Gettysburg Tackle or FDR’s 4 Freedoms speech:

“Within the councils of presidency, we should guard in opposition to the acquisition of unwarranted affect, whether or not sought or unsought, by the military-industrial advanced.

A somewhat typical newspaper headline from back in the day.
A farewell speech that resonates extra profoundly yearly.

We must not ever let the burden of this mixture endanger our liberties or democratic processes. We should always take nothing without any consideration. Solely an alert and educated citizenry can compel the right meshing of the massive industrial and army equipment of protection with our peaceable strategies and objectives, in order that safety and liberty could prosper collectively.”

Let’s have a look at how that is understanding: We did let the burden of this mixture endanger our liberties and democratic processes. We did take it without any consideration. And we the ignorant and apathetic citizenry did not compel the right meshing of the massive industrial and army equipment of protection with our peaceable strategies and objectives, in order that safety and liberty are actually combating like rabid canines. Aside from that…Thumbs-up!



JEERS to a shitty approach to deal with your protectors. As in the event that they wanted the rest to tarnish their reputations as monsters, the president’s son-in-law Jared and not-so-secret crush Ivanka are getting scowls for the way in which they handled their Secret Service element, apparently denying them use of any of their six bogs at their DC mansion within the Kalorama neighborhood, close to the place the Obamas dwell. The company lastly rented a little bit $3k-a-month rat gap for his or her outpost, however here is how convoluted it got earlier than that:

[O]ne legislation enforcement official accustomed to the scenario telling the Submit, “It is the primary time I ever heard of a Secret Service element having to go to those extremes to discover a rest room.”

“Whenever you end that Starbucks, can I’ve your cup? It’s an emergency.”

The company spent months attempting to safe services, together with a porta-potty that was eliminated after neighbors complained, in accordance with the Submit.

Then…brokers started to make use of the bogs in a garage-turned-command submit at Obama’s home utilized by his safety element. That choice got here to an finish when the Obama element banned the Trump/Kushner element after a Secret Service supervisor from the latter “left an disagreeable mess” in that rest room at a date previous to fall 2017, the paper reported, citing an individual briefed on the occasion.

Brokers then started to drive to Vice President Mike Pence’s home on the Naval Observatory a few mile away to make use of a toilet there, or used services at native eating places, the legislation enforcement officers instructed the Submit.

We hear Melania is so upset she’s began a brand new public service hashtag: #PeeBest

CHEERS to Synonym Fever!  Completely happy 242nd Birthday to Peter Roget, who revealed the primary Thesaurus in 1852 (a decades-long endeavor undertaken partially to assist him cope with bouts of melancholy).  Curious if there was a synonym for thesaurus, I went to—the place else?— to seek out out.  Their record is BOGUS, and let me let you know for the umpteenth time why:

A thesaurus is a glossary, however a glossary isn’t essentially a thesaurus.

Lastly—as of at present, an finish to these unbearable Thesaurus Day carols.

A thesaurus is a language reference e book, however a language reference e book isn’t essentially a thesaurus.

A thesaurus is a storehouse of phrases and a treasury of phrases and even a glossary, however neither a storehouse of phrases nor a treasury of phrases nor a glossary is essentially a thesaurus.

A thesaurus is an onomasticon, however an onomasticon will not be essentially a thesaurus.

Now you realize why the one factor my mother and father made positive by no means to expire of was earplugs.

Ten years in the past in C&J: January 18, 2011

CHEERS to blessed silence.  In case you’ve gotten used to tuning in faithfully each day at midday to listen to the most recent from the Tremendous Docs on the situation of Congresswoman Gabby Giffords and the opposite taking pictures victims nonetheless hospitalized, at present your routine will probably be disrupted.  Everyone seems to be doing so nicely and progressing so rapidly that the press gaggles are not crucial.  Medical doctors at College Medical Heart will re-emerge when Giffords is discharged, which they are saying might be days, not weeks.  Boy, when folks say they transfer to Arizona as a result of the dry warmth is therapeutic, they ain’t kiddin’.

And only one extra…

CHEERS to Martin Luther King, Jr. Day. As soon as once more we’re grateful, and quite awestruck, by what he completed for black America—and, consequently, all of America—in his way-too-short life. He was flawed, as all people are. However he had that cussed ‘ol dream. And are available hell or excessive water (or fireplace hoses or weapons or nightsticks or jail time or no matter else the bigots may throw on the motion) he refused to close up and sit down, or match violence with violence. Take word, all you insurrectionist nitwits:

“When evil males plot, good males should plan. When evil males burn and bomb, good males should construct and bind. When evil males shout ugly phrases of hatred, good males should commit themselves to the glories of affection. The place evil males would search to perpetuate an unjust establishment, good males should search to deliver an actual order of justice.”

July 2 1964. President Lyndon Baines Johnson presents Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. with one of the pens used to sign the Civil Rights Act
With LBJ on the signing of the Civil Rights Act of 1964

“Non-violence is a strong and simply weapon which cuts with out wounding and ennobles the person who wields it. It’s a sword that heals.”

As destiny would have it, King and I coexisted on this tiny blue speck in the midst of nowhere, if just for three-and-a-half years. The older I get the cooler that reality will get. So I’m retroactively placing it on my bucket record. Sue me.

Have a tolerable Monday. Ground’s open…What are you cheering and jeering about at present?

As we speak’s Shameless C&J Testimonial

Do not know if I ever posted something saying so, however as some level (round its inception) I undoubtedly thought Cheers and Jeers was a dumb concept. WRONG.